How can I love such a small person so deperately?

Nearly four months ago, our son joined our family in my first home birth. He is so little, without words or even a smile, yet I am wholly and completely enamored.

Like his sister when she was born, he has dark hair and skin, but we certainly see the more ethnic side of him in the shape of his almond eyes and skin tone. I’m part Chinese and his father is part Palestinian–it’s about time we had a baby where it showed!

He was my first child to be born entirely intervention free, and I see a difference in him for it. Right from the beginning, he’s been particularly alert and settled. Perhaps this is the calm child I thought God had given me when my daughter was born. (Hah! She is calm no more!) His brother and sister are unique and so is he, and oh, he completes our family so well!

After his birth, I was able to spend an entire week in bed with him, resting and recovering. There was nothing to do but savor the newborn smell, enjoy the fuzziness of his skin, and learn who he is.

He loves to eat–in fact, he had gained 1lb 3oz by his two week appointment–but if he eats much more than every three hours, his little belly fills up a tad too much and he’ll erupt in rivers of milk, although not without warning. He stares up at me with tiny, sweet eyes as if to apologize for what’s to come, takes a couple of deep breaths, hiccups a few times, and then out it all spews. Alas.

There’s no proper position to hold him in except upright. Sitting up, standing up, thrown over my shoulder…lying down is for babies, and he’s a big boy.

Ceilings fascinate him. It’s not lack of head control–he can told his head up when he wants to–he simply loves to throw his head back and stare at the our dated apartment popcorn ceiling.

From the day he was born he’s loved tummy time. Snuggles with Daddy put him right to sleep, he’s content with any kind of physical contact (including the not-very-gentle type that comes from his older siblings,) baby wearing quiets him instantly, and if I’m offering him milk and he’s not interested in nursing it’s not because he’s not hungry but because he needs to burp.

I absolutely adore everything about my baby, and I love that I know him. That life has been quiet and I’ve been able to savor the moments, to observe and learn. I didn’t get that with my older two.

He’s everything our family needed, and if I’m lucky, maybe his sweet, settled personality will stay and he’ll help ground the older crazies!

Honestly, I’m wholly smitten.