Our newest love is almost three months old. Three months outnumbered by our little minions. Three months of the sweetest cuddles, three months of falling in love all over again, three months of spit up and endless laundry and so much joy.
They’re all different because they’re unique, little personalities, but my pregnancy and our home life has been different too.
It started when I began to feel his movements.
My oldest son was psycho, even in the womb. We drove back from our babymoon on beautiful highway 1 up the Northern California coast, and I hardly enjoyed a moment of it due to the endless kicks and punches. My daughter was dainty and sweet, preferring graceful rolling movements to the sharp, hard ones my first favored.
Then my youngest came along, and because I knew what fetal movements were normal with my older two, I knew immediately his personality was different. His movements were not graceful and rolling like with my daughter, but they were gentle.
Because he was my third baby, I could tell the difference–what had been normal with my first two and how it had reflected their dispositions and temperaments–and it gave me a good idea of what he would be like as a tiny personality. He is indeed gentle and sweet and calm, just like he was in my belly.
If you’ve given birth twice already, you’re slightly more acquainted with the process than you were the first time and that led me to a more confident birth. I was dead set on avoiding medical interference with all three births, but the first time I was not confident in speaking up for myself. The second time I was caught off guard and impatient and allowed them to induce me. The third time, I planned a home birth so I could be in total control, and I was.
Once you have three children, it is physically impossible to have them all in your arms at once, unless you fancy the baby being squashed and your arms falling off from the weight.
Whether it’s a blessing a curse is debatable, but older children do entertain (read: try to murder) each other while you’re occupied with the baby.
You’re confined to the sofa nursing/burping/trapped under a sleeping baby and brother and sister may be playing sweetly together with the play kitchen in the corner. Alternatively, there may be squealing death screams emanating from their bedroom and you have no idea if they’re both still alive and in one piece. Either way, there’s no single older child, lonely while you’re busy with the little peanut.
When you go out, it’s next to impossible to keep them contained. Triple strollers are hard to find, and the ones they do have mostly have two seats and a standing option for the third child. The third child doesn’t have to stand still with this option–they can make a break for it as they please. If you have kids past stroller age, this is no issue, but our oldest was only three, and his sister not yet two, when little brother was born.
You only have two arms and there are only two parents. If all three kids go in different directions all at once, you’d better choose which one you’re not going to go after wisely.
Tip: Get comfortable baby wearing! I didn’t do it often with my first two, but with #3 it’s been a necessity. Not to mention I love having him snuggled on my chest. Tuck and Bundle has been my wrap of choice this pregnancy, but in the past I’ve used a Mei Tai carrier for hot weather. Ring slings are also fantastic options!
One difference I did not expect: My overconfidence got me in trouble. Before my youngest was born, I figured I knew exactly what I was doing.
Yes, there was a whole world of entirely new knowledge as, for the first time, I researched home birthing, whether circumcision was really necessary, the connection between our mind and pain during labor, and about the safety of common medical interventions during birth.
However, when it came to some of the regulars like sleep and nursing, I was a pro. My oldest nursed until 28 months, and my middle child self weaned at 20 months. I even tandem nursed my oldest two for six months–I was, like, soooo prepared!
My sweet newborn came earth side, he latched immediately, and we were good, right?
Wrong.
First, I was holding him like I had my toddler daughter, which wasn’t working well for him. Second, he has a suspected lip and tongue tie, which I had heard of but knew nothing about. Third, I wasn’t paying attention to his latch because I was used to older nurslings who knew exactly what to do. Nursing moms know what these issues lead to, and I’ll give you a hint: it involved my baby’s spit up being bright red with blood that wasn’t his.
The whole ordeal was terrifically painful and it was all due to my lack of attention to properly nursing because I was overconfident.
After all, you’re used to older kids and their abilities. The first time you hold your itty-bitty firstborn on your chest, there is such a strong awareness of how fragile you are. Then they get bigger, they start to wrestle and tumble, and you cease to view them as delicate.
When my tiny baby was about one month old and had no issues holding his head up, I propped him sitting up against a bed while I cleaned the floor.
Thump, then a surprisingly loud tiny squeal.
My sweet, helpless babe had face planted into the carpet because I was so used to kids who had enough balance to keep themselves upright. My overestimation of his abilities has happened more than once as, being used to his brother and sister, I often forget how limited infants are. Fear not–despite my fair share of oops moments, he is a safe and very happy baby!
Finally, the third baby grows faster. Do they hit milestones more quickly or put on weight sooner? Not necessarily, although I am finding both are true due to the examples his brother and sister set for him and because my milk came in faster after having nursed for 34 months before his birth.
But when you have two older kids to chase after, to tickle and wrestle with and prepare endless snacks for, time passes with little regard for you wanting to soak in the newborn days.
The weeks fly by, a blur of spit up and midnight snuggles and plodding endlessly in circles around the dining room table trying to put the baby to sleep.
Then one day you wake up, your precious newborn is somehow now 14 pounds and holding baby conversations with you, and eleven weeks have passed in the blink of an eye.
Of course, this list wouldn’t be complete without an abridged list of all the things that I, personally, found to be no different at all.
- They smell just as good.
- They poop just as often.
- Their tiny stretches remain just as dramatic.
- Their finger nails are still tiny razors that like to cut you to pieces while you feed them life with your body.
- They’re just as snuggly.
- There’s still more than enough room in your heart for you to love them wholly even though you already love two other kids wholly.
Little C fills a hole in this family in a way only he could, and I genuinely could not be more in love with him.
Parents on your way to three:
There might be more kids than you can chase at once, and they might not all fit in your arms at the same time, and you’ll never find a fantastic stroller than can contain all your kids, but your home will be full of snuggles and giggles and tears and forgiveness and all around craziness.
It’s going to be a wild ride, but with more joy (and likely tears) than you can possible imagine.
Welcome to being outnumbered! It is the greatest thing.
