Last week I had these two great posts on the 14 plane rides I took with my newborn and tips and tricks for traveling (especially alone) with a baby.

I explained why traveling with a baby is a fantastic idea but I made sure to be clear that traveling with a toddler was unexplored territory because somehow I knew my trip would turn out the way it did. The posts turned out to be well timed as the week for which they were scheduled also happened to be the week my 13 month old son and I jumped on an airplane (by ourselves, again) and flew to Salt Lake City for Young Living’s International Grand Convention 2017.

That was my first experience flying with a toddler.

It’s not like flying with a baby. It’s not fantastic or easy and if you’re alone you could very well end up huddled in your seat trying to hide your tears like I did for half of my flight. No, flying with a toddler is nothing like traveling with a baby.

Before I scare you off, the trip was worth it. I’m going to be flying with him again later this summer only instead of Raleigh to Salt Lake City, I’m going to be flying Raleigh to Malaysia. By myself, of course. Delightful. I do have some tips to share with you to make the trip more manageable but mostly I want to let you know that I’ve been traveling with my son, alone, his whole life and I still hugely struggled–it’s not a reflection of you as a parent. One day, probably even as soon as you arrive at your destination, you’re going to look back and laugh.

Of course, as my son gets older I can teach him to control his temper tantrums–I am all about boundaries and discipline when needed–but at 13 months old and because he was mostly upset due to the four teeth (including the one year molars) he’s cutting, there wasn’t much I could do.

You don’t need all the details but it went down something like this:

We flew from Raleigh to Denver, then Denver to Salt Lake City. Little man wouldn’t sit still in the airport and the moment we set foot on the airplane he continued to not want to sit still and screamed bloody murder from Raleigh to Denver. That’s right–four hours. He was already in a bad mood due to teething and I was lathering both of us in Stress Away and Peace & Calming essential oils which kept me sane but sadly did little to stop his tortured cries. My attempts at placating him with raisins and water and wooden cars did little and I fought him tooth and nail to keep him from repeatedly crawling into the aisle of the plane. Finally we arrived in Denver where he spent the entire two hour layover crawling all over the whole airport. Gross, but oh well. On the flight from Denver to SLC we had a window seat and he had a blast looking out the window and trying to climb over the seat to play with the lady behind me. Score!

The way back was a disaster. Besides the time I spent nursing him, he literally screamed like he was dying the whole first flight. The lady seated next to me had three kids so she was understanding but I could tell she would have lost her marbles had the flight gone on any longer. We visited with some great friends from Malaysia during our six hour layover in Denver and then the little guy screamed for three hours all the way back to Raleigh. I was so exhausted I almost fell asleep despite his screaming on more than one occasion. Thankfully, everyone seated around me was a parent or grandparent and they laughed in sympathy and told me eventually the child would cry himself to sleep. He did–right before we landed. Of course.

Tips and tricks to make flying with a toddler slightly less of a nightmare:

• Get someone’s attention while going through security. Sadly, you don’t get the same sympathy traveling with a toddler that you did with a baby. I don’t know why because babies are infinitely easier, but alas. People didn’t go out of their way to help me like they did when I was traveling with a baby, but I did notice that if I showed that I was struggling (which I was) instead of pretending like I had it under control (which I didn’t) I was whisked through security and always got through the faster lines. Take advantage of any moment you can to not have to wait with your toddler.
• Choose a window seat. While it sounds like it would be a pain not having access to the plane aisle, I found that the aisle was more of a temptation than anything for my son. When he was sitting next the aisle he could see it and he knew he wanted to go play on that wide open strip of floor but he couldn’t have free reign of the whole aisle. When we chose the window seat, he spent most the time staring out the window and trying to squeeze through the crack between the window and the seat. Then he would get stuck and it would take him awhile to get himself unstuck–like a weird, painful toddler game. Whatever keeps them busy, anyway.
• Take advantage of the time waiting for your flight at the airport. My son spent this entire time crawling around the concourse and pushing my stroller around. People stared walking by because all they could see was a moving stroller, not the little toddler behind it. He had the dirtiest knees and I spend two hour chasing him around but at least he got some energy out before we got on the plane.

• Bring the stroller and check it at the gate. You have the option to put him or her down so take it. You’ll have nothing to do but hold your squirmy child on the plane so use the stroller while you can.
• Don’t forget the snacks. Food keeps kids busy and quiet. If you choose sugary foods they will be quiet while they stuff their little faces and then they will be hyper and irritable and spend the rest of the flight crying for more. Healthy snacks are yummy–think blueberries, grapes, apple slices, diced cheese, or any whole food based snack that’s not sticky or crumbly.
• If you get to choose your own seat, sit next to another parent. They are much more forgiving than non parents. Bonus points for choosing a grandparent because they actually want to be around little kids.
• Plan flights during nap time–or don’t. I don’t often have option as far as flying times are concerned, but when I do, I choose wisely. Nap times are great because if your kid sleeps on the plane you have seriously scored. However this could backfire big time because if your kid doesn’t sleep then they will be extra nightmareish. Weigh the risks and make your choice.
• Bring something new. It doesn’t have to be new to you, it just has to be new to your child. Think a Christmas toy you never got out of the closet or a spatula he’s never banged around. They don’t care, as long as it’s something new to explore. They’re either going to explore what you give them or they’re going to explore the airplane floor–your choice.
• Extra clothes for you and the child. Moms always have a change of clothes for their kids, but I was the one who needed a change of clothes after my plane trip with my son. I was covered in pretzel crumbs, water, slobber, and tears. While I’m used to being covered in the bodily fluids that make my big, bad Marine husband want to curl up in a ball and die, I still wanted a clean shirt. You need extra things for you as well as for the toddler or you will feel nasty walking off the plane. Pro tip: do your makeup and wear comfortable but not raggedy clothes. Everyone will be staring at you because when your toddler is screaming in a confined space like they are being tortured, people will naturally wonder what on earth is happening to that child to make it produce those noises. The less you look like a hot mess, the more confidently you’ll handle yourself. You need all the help you can get.

Really, friends, there’s not much you can do when flying with a toddler. The best advice I can give you is to power through it because it will all be worth it when you get there. It’s okay if you cry–I did–and it will, in fact, elicit sympathy which is vital to not having a price put on your head by an angry fellow passenger.

Finally, don’t feel guilty if you can’t keep your child quiet. Toddlers want to move, they want to play and run and explore, and an airplane is simply not a place that can happen easily. Even though everyone around me was very understanding and encouraging, I know they didn’t want to listen to a screaming toddler the whole entire airplane ride. I spent the whole trip apologizing to everyone I made eye contact with and they all assured me it was okay, I was brave for doing it all alone, and instead of continuing to feel bad and being upset with myself for not keeping him quiet I should have just accepted their encouragement because they were right–

–Kids are a part of life. Crying and squirminess and a lack of ability to stay still is a part of their lives. Traveling with a child exposes them to cultures and people and experiences that will broaden their view of the world invaluably. In fact, it will even expose them to bacteria that will strengthen their immune and digestive system and keep them healthier as adults; the whole traveling experience is so good for children.

And if you are dealing with a screaming, writhing toddler on the airplane, you are amazing for having chosen to take the trip at all. Your child might be a little angel, he might sleep the whole time, or he might contentedly sit in your lap and play with his new spatula–not every experience will be like mine and yours might go without a hitch.

Ultimately, the experience of the flight matters little next to the value of the trip.

Book that flight you’ve always wanted to take, mamas. And when you do, regardless of how it goes and how the people around you feel about your choice, remember how brave you are for choosing to travel with a toddler. If you’re alone, goodness, you might be a little crazy but it’s crazy bravery. You can do this.

Take that trip.