It would seem that nowadays an adult acting like an adult is an applaudable accomplishment–or a completely optional alternative to callowness. My Facebook newsfeed is filled with updates from my sweet college friends informing me that they still have to sing the alphabet song in their head to get the right letter #adulting. First three meals of 2017–donuts, Taco Bell, Pizza Hut #adulting. Won $5 on a scratch off so I bought milk with it #adulting #thestruggleisreal, #adultsshouldhave$5tobuymilk.

Yesterday my freshman-in-college little brother went to the store to buy toilet paper and the only reason I know this is that on a family Skype call we were grilling him on what he did that day. I would venture to say that buying your own toilet paper is a fairly adult thing to do as when you live at home your parents buy toilet paper for you, but there was no proud proclamation of “hey, guess what, today I went to buy my own toilet paper, because, adulting.”

In fact, my brother even knows how to use correct grammar. (I’m looking at you all the people who “can’t even…” Can’t even what? Finish an entire thought? While I occasionally have this issue I try not to make it evident on social media as some of my old english students are friends of mine and what kind of teacher would I be if I couldn’t finish a simple sentence?)

My husband and I were so broke our first Christmas together that we ate Kraft mac and cheese for dinner. A $1 box from the Dollar Store because $1 was all we could afford to spend on Christmas dinner. While not going into debt over Christmas dinner was a wise financial decision on our part, mac and cheese is not exactly the pinnacle of the adult Christmas and I wasn’t about to share with all the family to whom I was trying to prove I was an adult that we ate toddler food for Christmas dinner.

I recently read a tweet that stated, “my fend-for-myself diet while my fam is away has so far consisted of diet ginger ale and marshmallows. #adulting.” As adults we get to make our decisions and if it includes mac and cheese and marshmallows that is our prerogative (and a fun one too!) but toddlers should be the only ones proud of eating marshmallows for dinner. When 31 year olds are announcing to the world that they still ride their shopping carts through the aisles it needs to end with #sevenyearsoldagain because while it’s true adults might do it (I do–there’s no shame in it) it is a behavior characteristic of someone much younger than an adult–about 20 years younger. Adulting has essentially become a joke. It is used in conjunction with stories of college kids acting like middle schoolers and young adults who have eaten ramen, pizza, and ice cream for the last 400 meals actually going out and buying bread–what an achievement!

Adults who consistently act like adults don’t feel compelled to post about their adulting online.

Adulting is a word used exclusively by those who practice grown up behaviors as an exception to the norm. It’s no longer expected that adults will act like adults, it is now commendable, and the funny thing is that once we get married and start having kids the adulting stops. Really, when was the last time you read on Twitter, “dropped off my oldest two at middle school and now I’m off to the post office #adulting” or “my husband is on his way home from a 12 hour work day and I’m sweeping the floor while making chili, because, adulting.” No adult brags about those things because they do them literally every day. I’m a mom and a wife. I am an adult and I have to consistently be responsible and complete the mundane tasks that come with being a grown up–there is no applause when I do so and if I don’t do those tasks our family ends very hungry, very grumpy, and probably very cold when we get dumped on the street for not paying our mortgage.

While I feel tempted to blame my college age peers for the rise of adulting, it’s not an issue of age. I know high schoolers and college freshmen who are mature and responsible and although they act like adults I have never once heard the word adulting out of their mouths. I also know people in their 30s who generally act like middle schoolers with credit cards and who have adulting in their regular vocabulary. The word “adulting” isn’t the problem either because when used ironically it can be funny–but how often are we trying to be ironic and how often are we simply trying to “adult” our way through life instead of actually becoming an adult?

There is a constant debate on when kids become adults. Is it when they turn 18? Leave the house? Get married? Start paying all their own bills?

Maybe it’s when doing a grown up task is no longer cause for a celebratory social media post. Maybe it’s when kids stop trying to convince others they’re an adult with their adulting stories and start realizing that buying milk is normal and eventually expected. Maybe it’s when we decide that growing up isn’t boring or scary or the end of all things fun.

Maybe it’s when we stop adulting and choose instead to finally become adults.